


Do I Love Him?

by androgynousclintbarton



Category: Naruto
Genre: Ace Maito Gai, Aro Hatake Kakashi, M/M, Mentions of Kakashi being intimate with others, Mentions of Sex but no descriptions, Pre get together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28657641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynousclintbarton/pseuds/androgynousclintbarton
Summary: Kakashi's been told the same thing since he was a teenager, "you love him" and every time he has failed to understand what he was being told, or to correct a misunderstanding.Finally, he gets to tell his truth to one of the most important people in his life.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	Do I Love Him?

“You love him, admit it,” Asuma gives his shoulder a nudge with his elbow, dragging his eyes away from Gai who’s on the other side of the room chit chatting with Genma. “It’s ok, Kakashi. You can tell me.”

He’s not sure exactly what Asuma’s getting at, but there’s a look in his eyes that screams trouble. A sort of trouble Kakashi does not want to get mixed up in.

“He’s my best friend,” It seems like an obvious answer, but for some reason he feels like he’s repeating it more and more each day. “I would literally kill for him.”

He had, in fact. Multiple times. 

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” Raising an eyebrow he waits for Asuma to continue. “You Love him. The same way your dad loved your mom.”

“oh?” he doesn’t actually know what that’s supposed to mean. His mom died when he was quite young, and his dad had always gotten so sad when he tried to talk to him about her. Even just asking something simple like ‘do i look like her at all?’ would be rewarded with a pained look and a promise to ‘talk about it later’. “I mean, i’d miss him if he died, yes.”

Asuma groans and tells him to forget about it, focusing his attention instead on picking up conversation with Kurenai.

He doesn’t forget about it. It’s hard to, when others won’t let him.

* * *

“You love him.” There’s blood running down the left side of his face. A result of over using Obito’s eye. He’d usually scold himself for it, but he hadn’t felt like letting the enemy get another shot at his makeshift team. Turning his attention back to Genma, he tilts his head. 

Gai slumped against Genma's side with a deep gash in his arm and blood covering half his face after taking a hit to the forehead. A wound he had received while protecting Genma after he had been knocked down. 

“I’d die for him,” It’s a simple fact. One he’s sure anyone who knows him is aware of. “I’d die for you too.”

His friendship with Genma might not be as strong as the one he has with Gai, but it’s still true. He'd rather die than have to bury another friend.

“I really hope you’re not saying you love me,” Genma cringed at the thought. “The sex is great Kakashi, but love?”

Rolling his eyes, Kakashi moves to their side and kneels so he can get a better look at Gai.

“The sex isn’t that good,” he assures the other man. “But if you’re asking, i love him the same way i love you, or Asuma, or Kurenai.”

Maybe their bonds are deeper. Maybe he can see himself doing things with Gai he can’t imagine doing with the others, but it doesn’t change his feelings.

“You love him,” Genma says it as if it’s an undeniable fact. “One day maybe you’ll realize it yourself.”

He doesn’t think he’ll ever understand what Genma’s getting at, but he drops it for now. They need to get Gai’s wound taken care of and fast.

* * *

The wind is cold against his skin, but Tenzo’s skin is warm. He’s not sure what exactly happened. How they ended up in this situation or even how he really feels about it. All he knows is it feels good having Tenzo’s hands on his back while he lays his head on his chest.

“What is love?” Looking up, Kakashi rests his ear against Tenzo’s chest and raises an eyebrow.

“What makes you think that I'm the person to answer that question for you?” Even if he had an answer to the question would it be the right one? Would he actually know what he was talking about, or would he just be leading Tenzo down the wrong path? 

“Asuma-Senpai says love is important,” Resting his hand in Kakashi’s hair, Tenzo takes a deep breath and turns his eyes up towards the ceiling. “That if you don’t love someone you shouldn’t…”

He can see where this conversation is going. Asuma has given him ‘the talk’ more than once after catching Kakashi sneaking out of one of their friends' rooms early in the morning. 

“Love is what you want it to be,” he closes his eyes, determined to get some sleep before they have to get up and continue their mission. “Asuma be damned.”  
He doesn’t mean that, of course he doesn’t. Asuma’s just looking out for his friends. He just has an odd way of doing it.

“I don’t love you,” The words don’t sting. It’s just a fact that Tenzo is telling him. “Does that mean…”

“Get some sleep, Tenzo,” resting his hand on Tenzo’s chest he splays his fingers out and moves into the feel of those beautiful fingers rubbing against his skull. “And stop listening to Asuma.”

He’ll have to have a talk with his friend later about boundaries. There’s such a thing as going too far, and if he loses Tenzo because of one night and Asuma’s words…

It would be his fault. He knows he’d have no one to blame but himself for letting his own passions get the better of him, but he would still be angry with Asuma.

“I don’t love you, either,” he whispers, turning his head to press a gentle kiss against Tenzo’s skin. “You’re my friend. I’d kill for you, die for you. You mean the world to me, Tenzo, but i don’t love you.”

Tenzo’s body relaxes under him and those fingers continue to work their magic against his skull until sleep takes over and drags him down into darkness for a few precious hours.

* * *

“Sensei,” Naruto tugs on his flak jacket, pulling his attention down to him. “Sakura says that Bushy-brows-sensei loves you.”

Behind him he can hear Sakura screeching at Naruto to ‘shut up’. He glares back at her, watching as she closes her mouth and looks away from them. For the smartest kid on his team, even she can be pretty stupid sometimes.

“I think Sakura’s getting things confused,” he places a hand in Naruto’s hair and ruffles the short blond hairs. “I’m sure she’s not wrong of course. Gai loves a lot of people.”

It’s not a lie. Gai has more love in his heart than any other human he has ever met, except for maybe Lee and Naruto. Once upon a time Kakashi wouldn’t have reacted at all to being told Gai loved him. It was just a fact. One he had learned to accept years ago.

But over the years he has come to realize that his idea of ‘love’ is different from others. That some people love certain people in a different way than they do others. Something he only finally understood when Kurenai actually took the time to sit down and explain it to him.

The same way Minato-sensei loved Kushina-sensei. That’s what she had told him for it to finally click.

All these years and it took that for him to finally realize people were telling him that he wanted to be romantic with Gai. That he wanted his relationship to be different from what it was. More intimate, with date nights and proclamations of being ‘soul mates’.

They were wrong.

Always had been.

“Kakashi-Sensei,” Naruto tugs on his flak jacket once again, pulling him out of his thoughts. “You can tell us. You love Bushy-brows-sensei too don’t you? It’s ok, we won’t tell him. Promise.”

It’s a lie. He doesn’t need to be a genius to see that much. There’s a glint in Naruto’s eye when he makes that promise that screams trouble, and Kakashi is not interested.

“If we have time to talk about my relationship with my friends, we have time to train,” Sakura and Sasuke can both be heard groaning behind him. The only one who seems to like the change of topic is Naruto, who looks as happy as ever at the prospect of training more. “I think today we’ll work on chakra control.”

The joy left Naruto’s eyes as soon as it had entered. A fitting punishment for bringing up such uncomfortable topics in his opinion.

* * *

“Sensei!” Naruto jumps on his back, laughing when he stumbles forward slightly. “Hinata and I are going out for Ramen. You should grab Bushy-brows-sensei and join us.”

Glaring back at the 19 year old, Kakashi huffs when he’s greeted with that same ridiculous smile Naruto always has on his face. 

“I have work to do,” he dismisses the invite, not bothering to kick his student off of his back. “You know a Hokage is always busy, Naruto. You should join me. Get used to the work you’ll be taking on.”

“You’ll have lots of time to train me later,” Naruto’s laughter only increases. He has been like this for a while. Ever since him and Hinata started officially dating. Still as energetic and happy as ever, but with a hint of something else. A certain shift in her character that Kakashi can’t quite put his finger on.

Kurenai told him it came with being in love. Maybe that’s why he didn’t get it.

“Come on, Sensei,” Planting his hands on Kakashi’s shoulders, Naruto gives him a little shake. “It can be a double date. Me and Hinata with you and Bushy-brows-Sensei.”

A date?

He has never been on a date before. Sounds boring.

“I’ll have to pass this time,” giving his student a smile he can’t help but chuckle when Naruto’s face drops. “It’s a date, Naruto. You should enjoy it with Hinata. Just the two of you. Gai and I can hang out with you two another day.”

That’s not a lie either. Gai has been itching to get out and about with their students more. Something they haven’t been able to do much since Tsunade-sama shoved the Hokage’s hat onto Kakashi and left the village for another one of her personal journeys.

He wonders if she has any money left from this one. Without Shizune by her side making sure she’s not going over bored he’s sure she’s not doing as well as she used to.

“You promise?”

Smiling, Kakashi reached back and ruffled Naruto’s hair playfully. “I promise.”

He’ll have to tell Gai about this. With all the work he has to do, he’s sure that it’ll be the only way he’ll remember his promise to his student.

“Ok,” releasing his grip on Kakashi’s neck, Naruto dropped to the ground and ran off ahead, turning around and waving back at him. “See you later, Kakashi-sensei!”

Waving goodbye, Kakashi watches as his student runs off into the crowd, and for the first time in years he’s faced with a familiar question he had thought long forgotten.

* * *

  
  
  


“123, 124,125,” Sitting at Gai’s dinner table, Kakashi watches as he does his daily push ups. Something he refused to give up even though he’s no longer an active shinobi. Every time Kakashi asked he would say something about keeping in shape, like Konoha’s Hokage should be doing. “126, you’re staring, Rival.”

He’s pretty sure his eyes are actually on his book, but somehow Gai’s not wrong. He was certainly a little more focused on Gai than normal. Partially admiring the way Gai’s body moved with every push-up, partially because he was still thinking about what Naruto had said to him earlier.

“Why do people go out on Dates?” The question leaves his lips before he can stop it. A result of allowing himself to relax a little now that the war was behind them and the villages were all allied together for the first time in history. “You’ve been on dates, I know you have. So what’s the big deal with them?”

He’d seen Gai out on more than a few dates during their youth. Once with Genma, twice with Tenzo, and once with Shizune. 

The dates he had with Tenzo had actually been something their friends felt the need to tell Kakashi about for some reason. He still wasn’t sure why, even if he did check in on them. He was mostly intrigued at the idea of Gai trying to court Tenzo. 

Their friends seemed pretty surprised when he wasn’t upset about finding out his two best friends were going out on dates together.

Gai seemed to be debating Kakashi’s question, hovering mid push-up. It was sort of an amusing sight.

“A date, well…” Careful of his leg, Gai maneuvered himself into a seated position on the floor and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, most people go on dates because they think they might like a person.”

“Like?” that doesn’t clear up anything for him. “I go out with you and Tenzo all the time because i like you. No one has ever called our outings dates.”

“That’s not completely true,” Oh? Had he missed something? “But it’s not officially a date unless both people agree that it is. When some of our outings, or even your outings with Tenzo, have been called a date, the person calling it that has been corrected really fast.”

He can almost imagine it. Gai trying to tell their friends that their sushi eating competition wasn’t a ‘date’. It must have been an entertaining moment for Gai.

“But i do like you and Tenzo,” he frowned. “How do our outings not count as a date?”

“Maybe i worded it wrong,” Gai’s certainly the first person to say that. “When i say ‘someone you like’ i mean ‘like’ in a romantic term. Someone that you want to be with romantically.”

Romantically? Kakashi had never really thought of being with anyone romantically before. Actually, he’d never really understood it. Maybe it was because he had always been too busy with his work to really explore that option, and no one else had taken the time to explain it to him.

“What’s the difference though?” He frowned.

Pressing a finger against his chin, Gai turned his eyes up towards the ceiling. A sure fire sign that he was thinking. Clearly this wasn’t an easy topic to discuss. Maybe that’s why Kakashi had never gotten a satisfactory answer before.

“Well, you would take someone out on a date if you felt deeper feelings for them than you did for others,” Gai smiled over at him. “Like if you felt like you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them. Wake up beside them, see their smile.”

Kakashi shook his head.

“That doesn’t make sense,” he frowned “Why would that change anything? I like waking up beside you when we were on missions together. Seeing you smile and laugh. I can’t imagine my life if you had…”

He chokes back the words. Even three years later he can’t bring himself to say it. He had thought back then that he had lost Gai and Tenzo. That he’d never see them again, and it had crushed him.

“But you don’t love me,” There’s no judgement in Gai’s words. Not like all the times their friends had scolded him with kind words when he didn’t understand their insistence that he did love Gai. Not like how Naruto or Sakura would look so disappointed in him when he didn’t understand why they insisted he needed to take Gai out on a date. “Not like that, Kakashi. You never have.”

His shoulders drop in defeat. Had it really been that obvious? Had Gai loved him and realized he didn’t return those feelings?

Had he hurt Gai without meaning to?

“I want you by my side,” He whispered, pain in his voice as he turned to look at Gai once more. “I can’t imagine my life without you, or Tenzo, or any of our friends. You’re my best friend Gai, I…”

He wants to say it.

To assure Gai that he does share those feelings.

But he can’t. He knows it’s not right. That he’d be lying to his best friend, and that Gai doesn’t deserve that.

“You don’t have to love me, Kakashi,” Gai actually laughed when he looked up at him. “Not like that. Not the same way that Asuma loved Kurenai, or Minato-senpai loved Kushina-senpai.” 

Dropping his hands back to his side, Gai smiled. 

“Is it really ok?” He can’t help but ask, thinking that maybe he’s doing something wrong still. “Everyone else was so convinced. They were sure that it was different between us. That I…”

“They were wrong,” Gai assures him once more. “And that’s ok. They’re allowed to be wrong. Just like they were wrong about me wanting to be intimate with them. A few of my dates didn’t handle it well when i told them that i was Asexual. They got over it though, and we’re still friends.”

His eyes widened with surprise. Was that why he had never seen Gai leave his dates with the other person? Why he never came into Gai’s apartment to find him entangled in someone else’s arms in bed, even though Gai had caught him in such scenarios multiple times.

Mostly with Tenzo.

“I don’t love you,” the words leave his mouth as easily as they had all those years ago with Tenzo, and for the first time since then it doesn’t make him feel horrible saying them. He doesn’t see a crushed heart hidden behind sad eyes like with Iruka, or a sad smile hiding crushed dreams like Rin when he was younger. For once he doesn’t feel like the worst person in the world. “You’re my best friend. I can’t imagine my life without you Gai. I don’t want to think about not having you here with me. Never seeing that stupid smile of yours or hearing you asking me for a challenge. I just don’t love you. Not the same way Asuma loved Kurenai. I think i’m Aro.” He had done a little research on the topic when he was younger, but it was so hard 

Gai’s smile only grows as he continues, and for once he feels right about saying his feelings out loud.

“I don’t want to date you. I just...i want you in my life forever.”

“That much i can see,” Gai waves his hand around the room they’re in to emphasize his words, laughing when Kakashi can’t help but smile at the reminder of himself moving Gai into the Hokage’s residence shortly after he was released from the hospital. “I love you. I hope you’re ok with that.”

“I am perfectly fine with that.” for the first time that day he smiles. A real, proper smile.

“Even without the…”

He can’t help but laugh. Sex really hadn’t been on his mind when he started this conversation, and he hadn’t been intimate with anyone in years. The only person he trusted in bed with him was Tenzo, and he had a healthy loving relationship of his own now.

“I’m fine without the sex,” he promised with a soft smile. “So long as you’re by my side.”

For the first time since he was a teenager, he feels right about his feelings. Maybe not perfect. Not yet. But right. 

“How’d you know?” He doesn’t need an answer to his question, but he is intrigued since Gai is the first person in his life who seemed to understand right away. “That I…”

“That you’re Aromantic?” That’s the word. He hadn’t done much research into it past finding a word that felt like it fit him, even if he never said it to anyone else. The only person who knew other than Gai was Tenzo, and that was the only other person he ever felt the need to tell. “My Papa was too.”

“Oh?” Maito Dai didn’t really seem like the type of person to view relationships the same as him. Maybe he had been wrong to think that he was so different from the shinobi he had looked up to as a kid. 

“Papa always said that the only love he needed in his life was me,” There’s a soft look on Gai’s face when he talks about it. “That he never felt the need to be with anyone romantically. He had me thanks to a one night stand and that’s all he needed.”

Somehow that sounded perfectly like Maito Dai.

“Maybe he just realized the world was already perfect with you in it,” Cheesy maybe, but true. He really couldn’t imagine how his life would be if he had never met Gai. “I know that’s how it is for me.”

“Me and Tenzo.” Gai supplied for him, laughing when Kakashi shrugged his shoulders. 

He wasn’t wrong of course, but right now it was about them. Him and Gai, side by side forever and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Well, now i’m really looking forward to retirement,” he’s almost giddy with excitement at the idea. “Just you and Me Gai. We’re going travelling. Seeing the world together.”

“I Can’t wait,” Reaching out, Gai waits for Kakashi to take hold of his hands and hoists himself to his feet, careful not to bump his cast against the floor on the way up. “But maybe you should finish some paperwork first, Rival.”

Of course he’d have to remind him about that. The worst part of being Hokage by far. 


End file.
